Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here... Before I start, I'd like to state that the three lads running the hotel are blameless. Ian and the other two, were courteous hosts considering the problems they face. My complaint is solely with the owner who thinks the standard of accomodation offered here can be considered anyway acceptable. It can't, and for the prices charged, the director of Payman Club should hang his head in shame. Over my 45 year career I can honestly say that this is the WORST HOTEL I have ever stayed in. The ground floor has been gutted of any furniture or decoration, and has the charm of a crack house. Climbing the stairs to the first floor doesn't exactly instill hope, damp wallpaper, faded carpets, no decoration on the wall save for a clumsily printed notice warning against insulting behaviour. That and a £50 pound deposit required for damages is worrying, but not as shocking as the quality of my double room overlooking the harbour. This would be considered the best room. It was certainly large, but again gutted of all furniture and decoration, save for an 'Argos catalogue - style' dressing table near the door, a similar style wardrobe, and three chairs by the bay window, one with its stuffing showing. Did I mention the keys? My key fob was held together by .... wait for it...sellotape, a shattered piece of plastic smothered in the stuff, and with a phone number scribbled in biro on an old piece of exercise book stuck to the back. Overlooking the cobwebs on the ceiling, and the one or two bluebottle husks by the bay window, the beds were comfy but with bargain-basement covers and sheets, and a slight 'scattering' of sunlight faded pictures on the wall made no attempt at converting the overly large room into anything-like inviting. The en-suite shower room was...noisy - a clunky fan kicking in immeadiately on switching on the light, sounding like chains on a pulley. This seemed to be the case for the other rooms either side, considering the noise from their bathrooms too. Oh, and just a heads up to the owner...water and cheap metal screws dont go together, hence the condition known as rust. I wouldnt cough in the room neither, or make any other loud noises, I swear there's an echo. The breakfast in the 'gutted' dining room was ok, but dont attempt to make toast, the old machine doesnt work unless you turn settings up to charcoal. But here's the straw that broke the camel's back - the owner has banned the sale of drink, citing the evils of the amber nectar, and that it kills. Well, I have news for him too, so does depression and despair. Let this be a warning to the unwary - this is not a quality establishment and smacks of someone aquiring the place at a knockdown price and with zero attempt at inves**ent. Avoid at all costs.
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